I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
It's no shave November. This is our time.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize