i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize