Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
