I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
