ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
