??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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