Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
