something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize