I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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