Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
