We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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