..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
