sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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