i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
