I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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