Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
