I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
