Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
