God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
