I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
