i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
