We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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