I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
