3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
