I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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