at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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