wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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