During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
