i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
