Say something about gay babies.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
