dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
