Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Randomize
