Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
we should paint friendship bongs
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
