You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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