My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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