the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize