I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
