i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
