I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
