O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i will never coherently bang her
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
