dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
