I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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