Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize