I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Are my feet made of real feet?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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