I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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