People in love make me want to vomit
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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