sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
