Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
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