I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
