You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
My vagina just recognized that song.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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