He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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