Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize