She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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