I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize