i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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