I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
