I think I died a long time ago.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
