It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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