Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
