Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
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