Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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