And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
