remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
