saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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