Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
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