ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
