I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
