were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
