Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
There was a lot of him and a little penis
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
The police scanner is talking about you again....
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
