you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
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