Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
This is the high leading the old right now
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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