Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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