I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
