Soap is not a condiment
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
