i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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