Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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