dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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