so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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