hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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