Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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