I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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