I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
