he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
