Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
