You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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