you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
