I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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