i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
