I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize