my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
