I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
