You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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