You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
