dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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