Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
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