I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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