I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
