omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
My vagina is officially offended.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
