My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
