i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize