Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Randomize
