I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
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