Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
