just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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