when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Randomize
