I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
