do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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