Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
