Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize