last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
